So, remember that real-life lightsaber everyone had to have?

Well, Bryan and I finally got around to field testing one after months of shipping delays, LucasFilm hassles , close calls with the law and last-minute security updates to keep people like me from hurting anyone. So here it is: the Wicked Laser Arctic 1W laser, which is so dangerous that it comes with this very stern warning in the package. Keep in mind, that laser safety expert John Colton called the Wicked Arctic Laser a “horrendously dangerous” product, that “Under no circumstances should they be on sale on the internet.”

Shown: Don’t Annoy People With the Deadly Laser. Also, please don’t pester Airport Security with a gun, and don’t goof around with a flamethrower at the Nursing Home.

So, let’s see what it can do to a very, very oily rag in a very dry garage.

Hmm. So I guess lasers are still mostly good for popping balloons, melting duct tape and aiming at airplanes not aiming at airplanes under any circumstance as to not annoy the pilot cause the plane to crash, and serve a felony sentence in prison. That’s money well spent. Or should I say that’s money, well, spent.

So, yeah…it’s cool, but…I was hoping for something more along these lines:

Ladies, if you ever see this guy, get outta town. Unless it is of paramount importance for you to find someone’s wife, of course. If that’s the case, find out all you can about the husband and his entire family. Genealogy is creepy, man.

“Crack the identity of that woman. Look at the husbands dealings. Trace his entire family…Go now…”