I avoid eye contact with three things, and I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting them from 50 yards out: Evangelicals, Homeless Dudes and Abortions. Not people for or against abortions, just actual abortions…like in a box on the side of the road or whatever. Usually it just ends up being some old pizza, but I’m always afraid I’ll come face to face with one (or face to mostly-formed-face, I suppose). ANYWAY, I end up walking past this booth with this box:

“What’s in the Box??!? WHAT’S IN THE BOX WHAT’S IN THE BOXXX?!?!”

There’s all these bible verses hanging on the booth, and this guy is just standing next to the box smiling. Another thing I’ve learned to watch out for, is guys standing next to boxes with holes cut in the top. It’s like the old saying goes: Fool me once, I grabbed a dick. Fool me TWICE…

Plus, there could be any number of abortions, homeless guys, more Evangelicals, Gweneth Paltrow’s head…it’s just freaking me out. But clearly, it’s okay for children over 12.

So let’s check it out, ya Dingus!

Simply amazing. Kudos, nice old man. Kudos. Your life will be spared when Pan, The Goat God, returns to Earth for the final vanquishing.

Check out Last Year’s Incredibly Bizarre State Fair Coverage HERE!

I’m pretty happy with how this turned out. The writer, author Scott Faingold, really nailed it. Check it out online, or pick it up anywhere around Springfield! Between this article, and the Western Magazine article by Sarah Zeeck last week, it’s clear that the best writing talent comes from the Midwest.