So, remember that real-life lightsaber everyone had to have?

Well, Bryan and I finally got around to field testing one after months of shipping delays, LucasFilm hassles , close calls with the law and last-minute security updates to keep people like me from hurting anyone. So here it is: the Wicked Laser Arctic 1W laser, which is so dangerous that it comes with this very stern warning in the package. Keep in mind, that laser safety expert John Colton called the Wicked Arctic Laser a “horrendously dangerous” product, that “Under no circumstances should they be on sale on the internet.”

Shown: Don’t Annoy People With the Deadly Laser. Also, please don’t pester Airport Security with a gun, and don’t goof around with a flamethrower at the Nursing Home.

So, let’s see what it can do to a very, very oily rag in a very dry garage.

Hmm. So I guess lasers are still mostly good for popping balloons, melting duct tape and aiming at airplanes not aiming at airplanes under any circumstance as to not annoy the pilot cause the plane to crash, and serve a felony sentence in prison. That’s money well spent. Or should I say that’s money, well, spent.

So, yeah…it’s cool, but…I was hoping for something more along these lines:

Left to right: Recently deceased Golden Girls Rue McClanahan, Dennis Hopper, Gary Coleman and Slipknot bassist Masky McGee, who committed suicide.

It’s been a rough week on us all as my Celebrity Wristwatch Curse continues. First, I got this Michael Jackson watch as a gift, and now my wife’s Golden Girl watch has claimed its next victim. It’s just like the Monkey’s Paw, but for $20 plastic wristwatches. So that’s the bad news. The good news is, I’ve bought ever single Rod Blagojevich watch and I plan on wearing them up both arms as long as it takes.

Remember, the Golden Girls airs at 6 and 6:30 on WE Network, 11 and 11:30 EST on Hallmark, and 11 and 11:30 on WE again. Also, I’ll see you on the Hallmark Channel forums (yes, they have a thriving message board community! Thank you for asking!)

In memorial, one last time with passion….let’s return to a magical place, sugah. Rue has already been to Cat Mountain, so heaven holds no surprises for her.