You all know DJ Daymage. Not only does he make amazing mixes and provide soundtracks to bachelorette party videos, but he comes through on some pretty amazing birthday gifts. A few years back, he gave me this priceless item:

But, still, I had so many questions. This little guy was willing to hold whose bag, exactly? My bag? Gareb Shamus’ bag? The long-awaited answer came this year, with yet another piece to add to my collection of tragically misspelled art, including the famed Finger Pupies. Behold:

Shown: The unfortunately named “Male Bag.”

My cat, Champion, wants no part of this. Even without his balls, he knows the difference between “mail” and “male.”

But my other cat, Cricket, is another story altogether. Cricket looovves to play with my Male Bag. She gets a treat every time she plays with the ding dong on my Male Bag. She used to get a treat for just touching or rubbing up against my Male Bag, but I started running out of food quick. Observe! Maybe you’ll learn something:

CONTEST UPDATE: Shockingly, the SOUTH PARK SEASON 13 Blu-Ray and WHAT’S MY PEE TELLING ME? book are still unclaimed. Read about how easily you can win them here.

You won’t find a finer line between a $10 candle and a $0.25 clearance item than this little gem. It’s a great example of a tiny, tiny mistake that must have cost this company a wheelbarrow full of money, and eventually landed pallets full of them in the bargain warehouse I found it in (IE: my all-time favorite crap store, Dane’s Discount on Stevenson across from the Deja Vu strip club/pizza place).

Can you spot the error? If you have a lisp, then probably not.

This most certainly got some religious product wholesaler guy fired during one of those wonderfully passive-aggressive arguments Christians get in. Those are the arguments where if you disagree with someone, they tell you “why don’t you pray on that first,” which is code for “why don’t you re-think your opinion until it fits mine.” You know, something like this:

Me: I don’t think we should have to get in the lake if we don’t want to.

Church Camp guy: Why don’t you pray on that.

Me: I did. And I don’ t think Jesus wants me in the goddamned lake.

Church Camp guy: I’m gonna ask you to go ahead and pray on that.