Well carve a hole in a pumpkin and call me Randy …it’s finally October! I know the blog posts aren’t exactly coming fast and furious these days, I’ve been concentrating on my new, actual-for-real job and settling in, but I promise to get back on a regular schedule soon for the 3 or 4 of you reading. But I absolutely would not miss this annual Halloween Mixtape Post. Everyone who knows me knows this is my favorite thing of the entire year, a tradition started by DJ Daymage in 2009 that I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to top, copy and rip off ever since. This is my first mix using Ableton Live. I use it correctly about 0.000001% of the time, but I was able to do a few special bits here and there on this year’s mix. And, for any of the songs I didn’t already own, I actually purchased…including the Louvin Brother’s “Satan Is Real.” So they should see a 5 cent spike on their royalty check this month.
First things first, if you download all the Halloween mixtapes from DJ Daymage and I—from now until the present—you’ll now have yourself exactly 4 Hours and 18 Minutes of Halloween spookery to listen to all month long.
Some thank you’s are in order: The LAW Group (especially Sean T. Collins for lending no less than 6 rare horror soundtracks, which I used in hopes I’ll be repaid with ongoing Mad Men commentary and discussion at his website) and my Facebook and Twitter super-pals for sending me a ton of great suggestions, too many of which to use. I hope some of yours made it. If they didn’t, it’s nothing personal: probably just in the hopper for next year.
Matt at X-Entertainment for carrying the online Halloween geek-out torch better and brighter than anyone. I’ve been reading his site for, Jesus….so many years now. To this day, no one beats X-Entertainment. Horror and VHS-core sites The Scandy Factory and—the site I got this year’s cover from—VHS Wasteland. They are doing god’s work. Respect. And, last but not least, the greatest site on the internet, Everything is Terrible! who I share my very aesthetic DNA with. Mad props 4 Evah.
So without further ado, World of Ward Crap.com presents… TERROR STAIN: A 2011 HA11OWEEN MIXTAPE! Below, you can read the track listing SPOILERS. I, for one, don’t read track listings before I hear a mixtape because I enjoy the surprises. If you’re like me, check it out after you listen.
In 1984, Fangoria Magazine blurbed about a brand new sci-fi, fantasy, adventure movie coming out later in the year starring 13-year-old newcomer Danny “Trig” Mason. The buzzed-about film went way over budget, the studio pulled out and—despite being rumored as the greatest fantasy/adventure script of the 1980s—the completed film never saw the light of day. The soundtrack to the film has become industry legend: artists from Van Halen, to Queen, to one-movie wonders like Mick Smiley and Mark Safan had all signed onto the film, only to see it shelved.
Until now.
World of WardCrap.com is proud to present the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack to TIME ROBOTS, heard here, for free, for the first time in over 27 years.
Download it, share it, listen it to it right here:
With this mix—my first non-holiday mix—I tried to capture the goosebumps and adventure that 80s sci-fi and fantasy movie soundtracks gave me when I was a kid: the goofy synths, the semi-futuristic bombast, the movie quotes thrown haphazardly into each track, the VHS grittiness, the story arc…I hope you really enjoy it. It may be my favorite thing I’ve ever done. I originally thought of this concept in my Wizard days, and just now carried it out…spurred on by the success of the Mad Decent Blood Bros. mixes. This is in the same vein, but with a different genre. I ended up with a wealth of material and suggestions from friends…enough for a sequel.
This mix would not have been possible without the LAW Group (in random order of appearance): Fight Director Rickey Purdin, Jesse Thompson, Alex Segura, Rob Bricken, Alejandro Arbona, Sean T. Collins, Zach Oat, TJ Dietsch, Mel Caylo, Jon Gutierrez, Alex Kropinak, Todd Casey, Kiel Phegley, Dave Paggi, Justin Aclin, Adam Tracey and silent partners/homies til the end Andrew Reedman and Matt Powell.
An extra special thanks is in order to Joe Jacobs of Vlantis fame and original mix tape masters Nick Kuzmyn (who discovered “Operator” for me, and more…) and DJ Daymage. And thanks to all those YouTube users who went to the trouble of uploading entire 80s movies that, to most, have no business being uploaded.
Track Listing:
1. Prologue—Electric Light Orchestra
2. Twilight—Electric Light Orchestra
3. Sexcrime—Eurythmics
4. “We Have Our Own Spaceship”—from The Explorers
5. Dynamo Beat—Shock
6. “I Don’t Know What Love Is”—from Electric Dreams
7. Together in Electric Dreams—Philip Oakey
8. 1984—Van Halen/The Grid—Daft Punk ft./Jeff Bridges
9. Yours Truly, 2095—Electric Light Orchestra
10. Driving This Road Until Death Sets You Free—Zombie Zombie
11. “We Got You Some Pills, Buck”—from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
12. “You…Are the Navigator”—from Flight of the Navigator
13. Operator—Midnight Star
14. “Robots Don’t Die”—from D.A.R.Y.L
15. Magic—Mick Smiley
16. “If We Stay Here…We Die”—from Enemy Mine
17. Do You Compute?—Donnie Iris
18. “It’s Us He Can’t Defeat!”—from Krull
19. Win In the End—Mark Safan
20. “We Did It!”—from Ice Pirates
21. The Hero—Queen
22. “I Have To Take That Chance”—from Flight of the Navigator
23. Theme—Flight of the Navigator
24. The Last Flight Home—Vlantis feat. IG88 (lyrics by Chris Ward and IG88)
Part 1 in my 5,000 part series, “The Dangers of Rock and Roll.” I have six hours of footage from this thing. Here’s the first part, which displays all the dangers of Rock music.
How about a free, one-hour Christmas mix to listen to during this most festive of shopping weeks? I whipped this baby up in my magic toy shop…please, re-gift this link as many times as you’d like.
DJ DAYMAGE presents HAL10WEEN! Download it for free HERE, or stream it below! Daymage really outdid himself this year with this terrifying 1:20 mix that includes my favorite Halloween song of the entire year. This thing is amazing. Mr. Daymage has quite a bit going on in his life right now—a big move, new jobs, new dog and a wedding coming up—so I’m surprised and elated he found the time to do one of these this year. I wish I had more to say, but it’s Oct. 25th and I have zero idea what I’m dressing up as this year. Probably none of these costumes.
Track listing:
Miami Horror – Illumination
Total Coelo – I eat cannibals
La Roux – Tigerlily
The Love Supreme – Bela Lugosi’s Dead
Boy 8Bit – Chapel of Ghouls
Liminas – I’m Dead
Last Word – Sleepy Hollow
Sabres of Paradise – Haunted Dancehall
Tim Curry – Worst Witch
Monster Mash (MF Mike B Edit)
Vision – Lucifer’s Friend
Little Jinder – Youth Blood
Glass Candy – Life After Sundown
Gatekeeper – Forgotten
Jonathan Coulton – Re: Your Brains
Eskaton – Dagon
Chateau Marmont – Solar Apex
Skatt Bros. – Walk the Night
Dwarves – I’m a Living Sickness
Jason Webley – Halloween
Strangers song
Black Sabbath – Black Sabbath
Eagles of Death Metal – Midnight Creeper
Gatekeeper – Visions
Armando Sciascia – Circulto Chiuso
Misfits – Halloween
And because every great horror movie deserves a low-budget sequel with diminishing returns, check back tomorrow for another free mix tape download: World of WardCrap presents: SATANIAC!
If you’ve seen this brand new Kanye Video, you know it’s the best Monday Wake Up Call since Maxwell House invented caffeine. It’s awesome!!!! I never thought when I read 300—Frank Miller’s terribly boring graphic novel that got made into a fun movie—that someone would ape it and create a cultural powerhouse of a moment. Yeah, that last sentence was pretty annoying, just deal with it…I’m tired. Powerhouse will have to do. Cultural Powerhouse. Whatever. It works. Sure.
People can talk shit about Kanye West all they want: he’s the trendsetter. The waymaker. The recess organizer. The most popular kid. And I LOVE HIM. TEAM KANYE. Taylor Swift: your music is blah blah blah blah. Thank God Mr. West interrupted you, or we might not have anything to talk about still except your boring, pedestrian pop-country slush. Kanye West is pretty much the only pop-rapper worth listening to right now, until Luda puts something new out. I hope Kanye puts out an album so good, that Lady Gaga’s farkle-ass face implodes. BTW: For the record, Lady Gaga sucks. If you like her, though, I apologize—it must be hard to defend such shitty music all day, every day. Ok, polarizing rant over. Sorry. I really don’t care that much, honestly. I just like to shake the Ant Farm.
So here’s my version. Enjoy, and I hope your Monday Sucks! Blargh!
I’m no stranger to gospel music, techno mash-ups or inappropriatereligiousiconography…so perhaps that’s why this perfect storm of videos (brought to my attention by Bryan Sandlegs Morrelli) is something I will never, ever, ever stop enjoying. Just try not to Get The Ghost when you watch these. Like, every time I see them I want to go out of my mind. I want to fly a cross shaped jet at supersonic speed. I want to cut someone’s head off with communion wafer ninja stars. I want blood to spray out of a Virgin Mary statue’s eyes like a fire hose and knock everyone over in the first 3 rows. I want to LIVE, dammit! LIVE!!!!
Ok, so yesterday I touched on Handicapable Gospel Singers. But there are also a multitude of able bodied fire-and-brimstone preachers who shouldn’t have been allowed near a recording studio, Dictaphone, homemade tin can and string, or otherwise. Here’s a few I found while digging through records at Vintage Vinyl in St. Louis and, again, from this site.
What in Hell do I want? Well, for starters, not to be cheerfully flipping through records and suddenly getting yelled at like I was selling cell phone upgrade plans door to door. The back of the album says “If you think about it for just one moment this is one of the most logical questions you will ever be asked.” Hey kids, the next time your parents ask “What in hell do you want?”, tell them that’s one of the most logical things you’ve ever been asked. Then enjoy your brisk, merciless beating with a JC Penny’s fake leather belt.
“What if Mary Would Have Had An Abortion?” Wow. That’s gotta be the worst Marvel “What If?” issue in the series, right above “What If Wolverine Drank and Drove the Blackbird through a Children’s Hospital?” I guess the answer would be, “she’d look like someone ate the last Little Debbie’s Stars & Stripes Snack Cake, just like Rev. Johnny Williams here.” Actually, he looks just like when Louis Gossett Jr. wants Sean Astin to PICK UP THAT GODDAMNED BANANA in “Toy Soldiers.”
“Hi! Am I a bigot? Well, I don’t see any other bigots on this album cover so you must be addressing me. Also, where’s Jesus? He was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago. I can’t wait to meet him, I wore my bright yellow background and everything.”
Record Company: “What’s your album called?”
Rev. Clay Evans: “‘Too Many Babies in The Church.’ You know, people who are babies spiritually, but also actual babies, whom I hate. I mean, leave your kids at home Sunday Morning, you know?”
Record Company: “So for the album cover, you’re thinking…”
Rev. Clay Evans: “Me riding a big camel through the desert.”
Record Company: “Oh good, good…I’m glad we’re all on the same page here.”
Hmm…this was in the Gospel Section, but I think Rev. “Cheeks” is a Reverend the same way Sgt. Pepper served bravely in the British Army.
“Lord, Seriously…I have osteoporosis. Lubricate my bones. And maybe add some cod liver oil to my diet, and grant in me the ability to decipher double entendres as they relate to ‘bone lubrication’ jokes hurled in my direction.”
I, umm…..I’ve got nothing. Except maybe “it’s my world, and it’s not a place I have to hide in/
Life’s not worth a damn ’til you can say ‘Hey world, I ammm what I am-mmmm!’”
You know, it says Jesus did an awful lot of healing “the lame” in the bible. And I don’t mean Lady Gaga fans, I’m talking about the handicapable. But that fact doesn’t seem to bother these gospel singers who are maimed, mauled and scarred beyond belief but still sing his praises.
Now, lest you think I’m cruel, we have a family friend who is a blind pastor. But here’s the thing: he was born with one eye, and the other was poked out in a basketball game by an ornery 10-year old when he was in junior high. How’s that for rotten luck? You think I’d be kneeling at the old rugged cross if I was dealt that hand? Much less cutting gospel records?!? I’d be drinking alone in the dark and cursing to myself, mixing a Downward Spiral follow-up on my Fisher Price tape player.
That’s my best guess, as I’ve never known real adversity and would be a total puss in the face of any physical challenge that doesn’t involve me retrieving a bright orange flag from a vat of baked beans.
So, I guess I can’t tell if these albums are inspirational, exploitative or terrifying…and I don’t know if it makes me a prick for posting them….but they are kind of awesome. Enjoy the misery.
Yes, it truly is a miracle to tickle the ivories when you have nothing to tickle them with. There’s a guy in my hometown, a lawyer, who comes into a diner every single day and eats breakfast with no hands. He uses utensils like a pro. That’s impressive. I’ve seen a guy with no arms and no legs roll and light a cigarette. Amazing. So equating this woman’s hard earned adaptation to a “miracle” is a bit of a stretch, and actually kind of condescending to her when you think about it—as if she had nothing to do with the work that went into learning the organ with no freaking hands. Like, if it were really a miracle, wouldn’t Jesus give her new digits? Otherwise that’s just a half-assed miracle, and God don’t make junk, as my t-shirt once said.
…Also, would “The Handless Organist” be her given Christian name, or is this a nickname she earned later? The record gives no indication. [This one, and a few others, come from Ester Goldberg's blog. Her true treasure lies in heaven for uploading these.]
Illinois: my state invented the corn dog, the ferris wheel, and the Raul Julia of singing midgets. Like The Handless Organist, The Singing Midget apparently doesn’t have a name—first, last, middle or otherwise. It was also an affront to the tens of other Singing Midgets in Illinois, and spawned the landmark copyright case “Singing Midget v. Billy Barty’s Half-Pint Jug Band.” In the case of the album’s name, “Colorful” is obviously an old-timey way to say “Ghastly” and “Evil in God’s Eyes” while seeming fun and innocent. But the Singing Midget knows better, and when these three aren’t suspecting it he’s going to leap out of that bass cello and gnaw their crusading faces off. Then we’ll see who’s “colorful.”
What Handicapped Gospel Album article would be complete without Little Richard Miller, he who is without arms and legs? I wrote extensively about his life story in comic book form HERE, but still think it bears repeating that this dude is the Conan O’ Brian of armless, legless gospel singers. His follow up album—”Jesus, Use Me, Just Not For A Doorstop This Time”—was poorly received, and the tour bus was cut in half and sold to the Singing Midget. Also worth repeating: this album has tracks like “In the Shelter of His Arms.” You don’t see the Handless Organist doing “He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands,” you know. That’s sick. Also sick? The dude was double-promoted twice in high school. What’s that even mean?
I call bullshit—these dudes ain’t blind. Look at ‘em yuck it up, knowingly. I call bullshit. The fact is, you could get PRET-TY far as a blind act in 1939 and the money was just rollin in and…what’s that? They’re STILL TOURING 60 YEARS LATER? Man, that’s a long time to keep up the blind shtick. Especially after that dust-up with another band calling themselves “The Blind Boys of Alabama,” forcing them to add “Original” to their name…and then Gallagher’s brother was calling himself “The Blind Boy From Alabama” and…the whole thing just got ugly.
They finally had a hit not too long ago and…well, this video kind of makes me goosebumpy. Plus, “their rendition of Tom Waits’ ‘Way Down in the Hole’ was used as the theme song of the HBO series The Wire in its first season” according to Wikipedia. Pretty good for some fake blind fellows. Don’t believe me? Listen to the subtext of the song: “Was Blind But Now I See.” I’m not asking for “Paul is Dead, Paul is Dead…” but c’mon! Hide your ruse a little better!:
Maybe they should have called this album “Lord, It Is By Faith in Our Calculations Alone That This Trio is a Five-Piece.” These guys did a bunch of albums in their day and don’t sound half bad, but it’s unclear who did what. I think the tall guy sings, and the guy in the wheelchair is like the Professor Xavier of gospel music—I only say that because he’s surrounded by mutants.
And THAT brings us to this little album I bought not but 2 days ago: Merrill Womach’s “Happy Again.” So, basically, Merrill Womach is like a burned face version of Mickey Rourke, with a little Tom Waits sprinkled in.
According to the album, the guy was horribly burned after surviving a horrible plane explosion. And, praise be to Jesus, they even show you on the album’s inner fold!
Hey, now that’s something I wanted to see. You could have just told me “it looked as if someone had taken a marshmallow and left it in the fire too long,” and I would have believed you, Mr. Womach. But, no we get to see it. We get to see it all. He even does a song called “Here Comes the Son,” because actually doing “Here Comes the Sun,” (or “Hot, Hot, Hot,” or “Fire Down Below” for that matter) would just be in poor taste. And thank the maker, we get to HEAR him thanks to the magic of the internet. You’ll be surprised to learn his vocal chords are completely melted, he sounds like a dehydrated donkey braying out praises. Just kidding, he sounds like this:
“He has promised to dry every tear in my eye…”
Yep. That’s fucked up.
Maybe Merrill and this guy can get together and do a world tour. I mean, I’d pay to see that. If one blown up dude is an inspiration, two would be like an inspiration explosion!
Did you know there exists a Science Fiction Museum? Well, I guess if you’re a hardcore fundamentalist Christian, every museum is kind of like a science fiction museum (but I kid WASPs! I kid! Sorry to kick you when you’re down with the passing of Oral “Snicker!” Roberts). The Bad News is, it’s in Switzerland. The good news, my best best buddy Joe….who you know from THIS VIDEO about Teenage Turtle Abortion…
…has been selected for THIS!:
A new music compilation CD, produced by Maison d’Ailleurs, is now accepting submissions. The CD will be produced in 5600 copies, distributed for free with the music magazine Vibrations in March 2010, to accompany a Music and Science Fiction exhibition at the museum.
About the exhibition:
Maison d’Ailleurs is staging an exhibition about Music and Science Fiction from March 6th to August 1st 2010, which will explore the way that Science Fiction has permeated music genres. Not only has Science Fiction been linked to technological innovation in musical instruments since the theremin, but thanks to its metaphorical potential, Science Fiction narratives and images have been widely used by musicians, from Sun Ra to Magma, Kraftwerk to Carl Craig, Louis and Bebe Barron to Hawkwind…
Sounds cool, right fellow geeks? Joe and I have been making music together—sweet, sweet music—since we were kids (there’s still an Angelfire page out there to prove it. More on that later), and lately he’s really grown leaps and bounds despite the fact that neither of us have any clue what we’re doing, and are just having fun. Well, that’s actually just what Joe would want me to say. He’s actually very talented. Add in the fact that he teaches “bad girls” for a living in Japan, and his super-talented wife makes stop motion Wookie films, and it’s possible I actually hate him.
And here’s another from his Super Battlestation Robot EP: “Prepare for a Mind War.” I did they original vocals for this song but they succccked hard. If you listen closely, you can hear me doing some of the screamy stuff in the background. But thank god he didn’t use my tracks.
