Well carve a hole in a pumpkin and call me Randy …it’s finally October! I know the blog posts aren’t exactly coming fast and furious these days, I’ve been concentrating on my new, actual-for-real job and settling in, but I promise to get back on a regular schedule soon for the 3 or 4 of you reading. But I absolutely would not miss this annual Halloween Mixtape Post. Everyone who knows me knows this is my favorite thing of the entire year, a tradition started by DJ Daymage in 2009 that I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to top, copy and rip off ever since. This is my first mix using Ableton Live. I use it correctly about 0.000001% of the time, but I was able to do a few special bits here and there on this year’s mix. And, for any of the songs I didn’t already own, I actually purchased…including the Louvin Brother’s “Satan Is Real.” So they should see a 5 cent spike on their royalty check this month.
First things first, if you download all the Halloween mixtapes from DJ Daymage and I—from now until the present—you’ll now have yourself exactly 4 Hours and 18 Minutes of Halloween spookery to listen to all month long.
Some thank you’s are in order: The LAW Group (especially Sean T. Collins for lending no less than 6 rare horror soundtracks, which I used in hopes I’ll be repaid with ongoing Mad Men commentary and discussion at his website) and my Facebook and Twitter super-pals for sending me a ton of great suggestions, too many of which to use. I hope some of yours made it. If they didn’t, it’s nothing personal: probably just in the hopper for next year.
Matt at X-Entertainment for carrying the online Halloween geek-out torch better and brighter than anyone. I’ve been reading his site for, Jesus….so many years now. To this day, no one beats X-Entertainment. Horror and VHS-core sites The Scandy Factory and—the site I got this year’s cover from—VHS Wasteland. They are doing god’s work. Respect. And, last but not least, the greatest site on the internet, Everything is Terrible! who I share my very aesthetic DNA with. Mad props 4 Evah.
So without further ado, World of Ward Crap.com presents… TERROR STAIN: A 2011 HA11OWEEN MIXTAPE! Below, you can read the track listing SPOILERS. I, for one, don’t read track listings before I hear a mixtape because I enjoy the surprises. If you’re like me, check it out after you listen.
In 1984, Fangoria Magazine blurbed about a brand new sci-fi, fantasy, adventure movie coming out later in the year starring 13-year-old newcomer Danny “Trig” Mason. The buzzed-about film went way over budget, the studio pulled out and—despite being rumored as the greatest fantasy/adventure script of the 1980s—the completed film never saw the light of day. The soundtrack to the film has become industry legend: artists from Van Halen, to Queen, to one-movie wonders like Mick Smiley and Mark Safan had all signed onto the film, only to see it shelved.
Until now.
World of WardCrap.com is proud to present the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack to TIME ROBOTS, heard here, for free, for the first time in over 27 years.
Download it, share it, listen it to it right here:
With this mix—my first non-holiday mix—I tried to capture the goosebumps and adventure that 80s sci-fi and fantasy movie soundtracks gave me when I was a kid: the goofy synths, the semi-futuristic bombast, the movie quotes thrown haphazardly into each track, the VHS grittiness, the story arc…I hope you really enjoy it. It may be my favorite thing I’ve ever done. I originally thought of this concept in my Wizard days, and just now carried it out…spurred on by the success of the Mad Decent Blood Bros. mixes. This is in the same vein, but with a different genre. I ended up with a wealth of material and suggestions from friends…enough for a sequel.
This mix would not have been possible without the LAW Group (in random order of appearance): Fight Director Rickey Purdin, Jesse Thompson, Alex Segura, Rob Bricken, Alejandro Arbona, Sean T. Collins, Zach Oat, TJ Dietsch, Mel Caylo, Jon Gutierrez, Alex Kropinak, Todd Casey, Kiel Phegley, Dave Paggi, Justin Aclin, Adam Tracey and silent partners/homies til the end Andrew Reedman and Matt Powell.
An extra special thanks is in order to Joe Jacobs of Vlantis fame and original mix tape masters Nick Kuzmyn (who discovered “Operator” for me, and more…) and DJ Daymage. And thanks to all those YouTube users who went to the trouble of uploading entire 80s movies that, to most, have no business being uploaded.
Track Listing:
1. Prologue—Electric Light Orchestra
2. Twilight—Electric Light Orchestra
3. Sexcrime—Eurythmics
4. “We Have Our Own Spaceship”—from The Explorers
5. Dynamo Beat—Shock
6. “I Don’t Know What Love Is”—from Electric Dreams
7. Together in Electric Dreams—Philip Oakey
8. 1984—Van Halen/The Grid—Daft Punk ft./Jeff Bridges
9. Yours Truly, 2095—Electric Light Orchestra
10. Driving This Road Until Death Sets You Free—Zombie Zombie
11. “We Got You Some Pills, Buck”—from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
12. “You…Are the Navigator”—from Flight of the Navigator
13. Operator—Midnight Star
14. “Robots Don’t Die”—from D.A.R.Y.L
15. Magic—Mick Smiley
16. “If We Stay Here…We Die”—from Enemy Mine
17. Do You Compute?—Donnie Iris
18. “It’s Us He Can’t Defeat!”—from Krull
19. Win In the End—Mark Safan
20. “We Did It!”—from Ice Pirates
21. The Hero—Queen
22. “I Have To Take That Chance”—from Flight of the Navigator
23. Theme—Flight of the Navigator
24. The Last Flight Home—Vlantis feat. IG88 (lyrics by Chris Ward and IG88)
Part 1 in my 5,000 part series, “The Dangers of Rock and Roll.” I have six hours of footage from this thing. Here’s the first part, which displays all the dangers of Rock music.
Not content to be outdone by The Racist $25,000 Pyramid, this extremely familiar-can’t-place-her-80s-character actor (Jillian something? Little help, Jesse Thompson? Was she a voice on Turbo Teen or something?) gives her best clue possible for “Japan.” Thankfully, she passes before resorting to “Dirty Knees” or “Look At These.”
Ok, It’s not exactly Mel Gibson-level stuff going on here, but if there were a Perez Hilton page for Z-List Celebs, I’d like to think this makes the front page underneath something about Clint Howard or Reb Brown canoodling at Dick’s Last Resort.
Oh, no, Ichiro! She doesn’t mean it like that! Aww, see what you did, lady?
[UPDATE: Jesse "Junkstore" Thompson has no idea who this is either, and this is the guy who knows who Joe "Bean" Esposito is by heart] [UPDATE UPDATE: "That's Teresa Ganzel from Transylvania 6-5000" says Adam "I'm the only one who's ever uttered that sentence" Tracey.]
Every night I spend alone in my wood-paneled basement leads me to the same conclusion: I wish I could play a VCR Mystery Game with self-decapitating robots. Apparently, the purpose of this game is to save the Earth from robots, which kind of goes against Issac Assimov’s Three Laws of Robotics. But a game where you’re just ordering robots around wouldn’t be too fun, I guess. So instead, the game involves a robot ripping it’s own head off and coldly relaying that “you’ve made a mistake” before it, I assume, uses your intestines as a leash for its Robot Dog. Good, clean, terrifying fun for all. “Wanna come over? I’ve got this game where Robot Paul Reiser tears off its own head to prove a point. It’s for up to 4 players? No? Ok, maybe some other time! Just text me if you change your mind! I have no friends LOL.”
Let’s watch the commercial, as I imagine it in my mind. Thanks to Gary Hodges for passing this tape along!
“Within 5 minutes, you’ll be on one of 256 possible courses to save the galaxy.” It’s like the Butterfly Effect, if the fabric of time were limited to 80 minutes of SLP video!
This is an Amway propaganda tape I picked up about the dangers of common, every day tap water. She’s just watching out for her children’s interests, at the end of the day. Good for her.
I’ve discovered some sort of time rift that allows me to travel, unharmed, through un-energized ghosts in Pac-Man Championship Edition. IT’S LIKE TOUCHING THE FINGER OF GOD. When it happened I jumped…I couldn’t believe I saw it. And then I died almost immediately. I kind of feel like I’ve seen the Matrix for the first time. I must have watched this 100 times…I can’t figure it out either.
Left to right: Recently deceased Golden Girls Rue McClanahan, Dennis Hopper, Gary Coleman and Slipknot bassist Masky McGee, who committed suicide.
It’s been a rough week on us all as my Celebrity Wristwatch Curse continues. First, I got this Michael Jackson watch as a gift, and now my wife’s Golden Girl watch has claimed its next victim. It’s just like the Monkey’s Paw, but for $20 plastic wristwatches. So that’s the bad news. The good news is, I’ve bought ever single Rod Blagojevich watch and I plan on wearing them up both arms as long as it takes.
Remember, the Golden Girls airs at 6 and 6:30 on WE Network, 11 and 11:30 EST on Hallmark, and 11 and 11:30 on WE again. Also, I’ll see you on the Hallmark Channel forums (yes, they have a thriving message board community! Thank you for asking!)
In memorial, one last time with passion….let’s return to a magical place, sugah. Rue has already been to Cat Mountain, so heaven holds no surprises for her.
In retrospect, this old post from WorstCartoonsEver.com seems tasteless, crass and mean. But, I stand behind it, and am re-posting it here because of Gary Coleman’s recent death. Enjoy this little piece of nostalgia and think of all the wee child actors you grew up with in the eighties. I kid because I love. Some of my best friends are short and named Gary.
Originally Ran 04-21-2009
Now here’s a premise I can get behind: Gary Coleman, except dead.
So, wait… all Gary Coleman has to do is pleasure himself and he returns from the dead? At this rate, he’ll never stay in the grave! BLAST!
Yep, there is something you didn’t think you’d see when you woke up today: a masturbating Gary Coleman angel. Thank you for coming to my website. There’s a comment card on the nightstand. I hope you enjoyed your stay.
Ok, ok…FINE. One more time. And slooower, just for the ladies.
Shown: If the first thing you notice is this 25th Anniversary Pac-Man/Galaga cabinet, welcome to my world.
As you’re no doubt aware, today is Pac-Man’s birthday. I’m more than a little overwhelmed. With my wedding anniversary tomorrow (I swear I didn’t plan it that way), I’m never sure where my loyalties should lie this time of year. You know around Christmas, when they interview that crazy woman who fills her trailer with a shit ton of Santa Claus stuff? Except she’s had it up all year, and she says something like “Everyday is Christmas at 432 Orchard Alley Lane!” and you feel sick and sad for her? Well, that’s me. But for Pac-Man. My house is a little like wandering into Leatherface’s house, except instead of chicken bones hanging from the ceiling, it’s just Pac-Man stuff. Pac-Man is such a part of the backdrop in my house, that I forget how much I’ve actually accumulated from friends, family, eBay, flea markets and fans. Once you’re a known collector of something, it makes it easy for everyone to buy for you on holidays, which is nice. I’ve already covered some of my most coveted possessions in this NOT SAFE FOR WORK post from Joystick Division, but I took a stroll around my house and just took pictures of stuff I could actually see in front of me. Something I promised to do months ago. If I actually start digging, there’s hundreds more items strewn about…this is only scratching the surface.
So why Pac-Man?
Pac-Man is pure. Pac-Man is Pizza Hut breadsticks and a borrowed quarter from mom. Pac-Man is universal. Pac-Man is challenging and addictive 30 years later. Pac-Man is a warm yellow memory. Ok, scratch that last one. That didn’t sound right.
It’s the ghosts and blood, dust and mud, and the roar of an arcade crowd.
I made this Pac-Man beer cooler for my Pac-Man themed going away party in New York. I used my crappy cell phone video camera to capture this little magic event.
INSERT COIN AND CLICK THROUGH FOR MORE PAC-MAN CRAP THAN YOU CAN HANDLE
Shown: a rare Ms. Pac-Man addition to my collection, stolen from a Indianapolis Head Shop wall. Check out the ticket price, $12! This was before Feed The Animals changed the world.
