Shown: If the first thing you notice is this 25th Anniversary Pac-Man/Galaga cabinet, welcome to my world.

As you’re no doubt aware, today is Pac-Man’s birthday. I’m more than a little overwhelmed. With my wedding anniversary tomorrow (I swear I didn’t plan it that way), I’m never sure where my loyalties should lie this time of year. You know around Christmas, when they interview that crazy woman who fills her trailer with a shit ton of Santa Claus stuff? Except she’s had it up all year, and she says something like “Everyday is Christmas at 432 Orchard Alley Lane!” and you feel sick and sad for her? Well, that’s me. But for Pac-Man. My house is a little like wandering into Leatherface’s house, except instead of chicken bones hanging from the ceiling, it’s just Pac-Man stuff. Pac-Man is such a part of the backdrop in my house, that I forget how much I’ve actually accumulated from friends, family, eBay, flea markets and fans. Once you’re a known collector of something, it makes it easy for everyone to buy for you on holidays, which is nice. I’ve already covered some of my most coveted possessions in this NOT SAFE FOR WORK post from Joystick Division, but I took a stroll around my house and just took pictures of stuff I could actually see in front of me. Something I promised to do months ago. If I actually start digging, there’s hundreds more items strewn about…this is only scratching the surface.

So why Pac-Man?

Pac-Man is pure. Pac-Man is Pizza Hut breadsticks and a borrowed quarter from mom. Pac-Man is universal. Pac-Man is challenging and addictive 30 years later. Pac-Man is a warm yellow memory. Ok, scratch that last one. That didn’t sound right.

It’s the ghosts and blood, dust and mud, and the roar of an arcade crowd.

I made this Pac-Man beer cooler for my Pac-Man themed going away party in New York. I used my crappy cell phone video camera to capture this little magic event.

INSERT COIN AND CLICK THROUGH FOR MORE PAC-MAN CRAP THAN YOU CAN HANDLE

Shown: a rare Ms. Pac-Man addition to my collection, stolen from a Indianapolis Head Shop wall. Check out the ticket price, $12! This was before Feed The Animals changed the world.

1. MY OFFICE

Atop my dresser is a hand-crafted, hand-painted pencil holder thing from Ryan Penagos and his ex-girlfriend. It’s amazing. And here’s what’s inside it…

….An old Pac-Man wallet, a hacky sack and some pincher thing. The Pac-Man scrotum pincher and ball-bag are a few of the stranger items I own. I mean, I assume that’s what they’re for. 15 Skee Ball tickets just buys you the prize, not the instruction manual.

If you look around Etsy.com, you’ll find a site called Vandalized Vintage that makes custom plates out of antiques. My wife got me this for Christmas (from New Zealand!) as a reminder of what we ask ourselves when there are two pieces of Little Caesar’s pizza left on our plate.

Officially licensed Pac-Man “power pellets” are available at most video stores, Hot Topics and gas stations right now. The candy tastes like ass…actually scratch that. It doesn’t taste like anything. I’ve never tasted a piece of candy that is the equivalent of drinking tap water, but this is it. The tins, however, are great for holding change, guitar picks, tokens, or one (1) gas station novelty condom. The Coleco tabletop game is from eBay, works great, and has a place of honor next to my Demolition Man action figure there.

By the computer are my amazing Hallmark 80s Arcade ornaments, with lights and sound. The best part is they are scale to GI Joe and Captain Power figures here. Cobra Commander is a lazy bitch, and sits on a park bench in his boxers. Captain Power, however, is clearly in the zone.

Top Left: Rare arcade one-sheet advertising Pac-Man for Atari, I believe

Bottom Left: I won this in college on eBay. I was drunk at the time.

Bottom Right: Original Pac-Man Fever album

Top Left: My prized, non-sequitur Michael Kupperman artwork commissioned by my friends when I left Wizard Magazine. It still thrills me.

Spot the rare belt buckle, and the other ones no one wanted apparently.

SHIRTS AND COATS AND HATS AND CRAP

This is from Jesse and Allison again! Fairly predicable plot, the ghosts are murdered as usual. But the mazes inside are UNTOUCHED BY CHILD HANDS, which is rare for a book like this. Speaking of which….

There are few things as truly shitty as Super Pac-Man and the Pac-Man cartoon. Here, the two convene in my wife’s actual childhood coloring book.

Sarah’s grandmother set the bar pretty high by coloring this picture of Pac-Man on a “Cloud Waterbed,”….

…while my future wife took a more unpredictable—some would say patently awful—route by deciding to color Pac-Man red. At this point, when she realized how fucking stupid a decision this was, it looks like she just gave up.

LIVING ROOM, ATTIC and KITCHEN after the JUMP!

2. THE LIVING ROOM

In a few days, I’ll be posting what my old living room used to look like during the Great Pac-Man New York Party. But, for now, here’s what’s lying around.

I think Zach Oat gave me some of these games, and the Dot.S puzzle is from Toy Tokyo. Band-Aids from Hot Topic. I got athlete’s foot during my stint filming junior dance competitions across America, and had to use these in a pinch on the top of my foot. The games also served as a healing salve when melted down.

More doo-dads.

Pac-Man energy drink (after the candy debacle, I decided not to open this one) and several items covered in the aforementioned NSFW post.

My brother, Brad, got me this candle from an arcade. It’s filled with a gel that used to be sort of blue, and over the years has turned a disgusting poo color gummed up with cat hair. I’ve never seen another one like it.

Another unique find, from a Chicago Comic Book store. I got it for $10. It’s the only one I’ve seen like it.

Purchased from People Play Games in Chicago, and available online as part of a set! This is a beautiful, hand-made wooden wall-hanging from Pixel Party. You gotta check this guys wares out.

A rare Pac-Man lapel pin from my friend Rina. Again, I haven’t seen many of these.

My wife MADE these for me for Christmas! It’s a coaster set! I’m scared to use them though, because I don’t want to mess them up.

Zach Oat definitely got me this, there’s even a sequel book.  I don’t know whether to thank him or not. Here’s a sample:

Not only is this not funny, but it actually looks really dirty. There are 95 more where this came from.

Champ, unamused and surrounded by a nightmare beyond his understanding. I bought these EXCEPT for Pinky, which was WON IN A CLAW MACHINE BY HEATHER CAREY JUST FOR ME. Holy shit. So that one is very special to me.

3. THE KITCHEN

This mug is MASSIVE. Like, with blunt-force trauma capabilities. My friend Daymon got it from the Salvation Army in perfect condition, and to this day I can’t tell you what compelled him to give it to me. I would have gladly paid him a lot of money for it.

Juice glasses and breakfast set. I think Jesse Thompson got me these! Or my in-laws? They’ve both gotten me a lot of great items.

One of my stranger eBay finds: unlicensed Pac-Man candy molds. The one on the left is a little yellow and blue stained, because I made chocolates in it.

My in-laws got me this, and it’s the only one I’ve ever seen. They’re always finding stuff like this. I love it.

4. THE GARAGE

If I was the Fresh Prince, and a cabbie pulled near with these dice in the mirror, I’d have never went to Bel-Aire.

I don’t know why this is in the garage…probably because it was in a tub of stuff that used to be on my desk at Wizard. It sticks to glass and wobbles back and forth. I haven’t seen another one like it.

Karl Cramer, of ex-Wizard and competitive eating fame, bought me this awesome frisbee, which I keep in my trunk in case fun breaks out. Same goes for the Robot Book, the Gummi Bears plush, the retarded Gulf War baby doll, and bag of clothes.

Vintage marquee I bought before I owned the actual machine. My mom had it custom framed! The plastic American Flag came with the garage. I like the juxtaposition.

5. THE BACK YARD

Ok, not really. But eventually. This machine was purchased from Long Island, and was originally on Coney Island. It was a real bitch to bring it home from New York, and to pick it up. Adam Tracey graciously drove me down there, as I bought it before realizing that people in New York don’t own trucks the way people in Illinois do. Here, you buy something you can’t possibly haul and throw a rock until you hit someone who drives a Ford F-150. You can’t fit this stuff in a Prius. The reason I could afford it is because it’s not an original Pac-Man board: it’s a knock-off. I didn’t know this until I plunked down the money. It’s called “Hangly Man,” a Japanese knock-off named as such because—I shit you not, I’ve researched this—the Japanese bootleggers were trying to pronounce “Hungry Man.” But the cabinet and monitor are in such great shape, I can always retro fit it with an original Pac-Man board if I want.

6. THE ATTIC

Some of my coolest items are in safe keeping in the attic…

Pac-Man Jigsaw Puzzle!!!! I don’t know if it has all the pieces…it’s very difficult.

This is another pretty badass tin that my wife keeps sewing supplies in…

PAC-MAN….math game. I think Zach got me this? Or Jesse? I can’t remember. I have two of them for some reason, probably because—contrary to the box’s promise—Pac-Man + Math does not = fun. I have a Pac-Man board game somewhere too, and it’s actually really, really fun. You can read about it extensively over at X-Entertainment!

This is just growing in the attic. I don’t know what it is or why.

From Jesse and Allison! UNOPENED, ORIGINAL, UNUSED Pac-Man bedsheets. These are not soiled by my touch. I’m saving them for a special occasion.

I ripped this right off the side of an Illinois Lottery machine at a liquor store and ran out the side door. It’s a vinyl advertisement from when the Pac-Man Lottery was in it’s hey day. I can’t tell you how many tickets I bought, thinking that it was destiny that I win. It wasn’t.

Stripping off my rare promotional “National Pac-Man Day” windbreaker from 1982 to reveal my pride, my shame, my Pac-Man tattoo. I hid this from my parents for over 5 years I think. When I was young and mentioned getting a tattoo, they flipped out. And since I was visiting home from New York on holidays, I didn’t want to ruin the holidays by revealing my shameful secret. I even had a certain way of getting in their hot tub so no one could see it. When I finally spilled the news, no one was shocked. “Chris,” my mom said. “Everyone’s got a tattoo these days. What’s the big deal?” My parents are cool like that.

Also, my tattoo can do this at parties.

It’s umm…supposed to resemble chomping. It’s no dancing forearm mermaid, but it works for me.

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