You all know Junkstore Jesse Thompson from his hilarious Maxim.com articles and the famous Berserker beer can scene he introduced me to. Well, we drugged our spouses, threw them in a mini-van and had a rock and roll time in St. Louis this year for Junkstore’s birthday/New Years Eve. Here are the pictures! I know it’s not the same as Sad Trombone Monday (I know I’ve missed two in a row now…things have been too crazy) so please accept this pictorial as a kind of Happy Slide Whistle Monday instead. I don’t know if this tops last year’s “Electro Shocked Face Muscles Party” at Junkstore’s pad, but it was close. Which reminds me…hey! This site’s been up for about a year! What a complete waste of your time! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?

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There was a secret hipster roller skating rave, and Jesse and I used this opportunity to show Lil’ Bow Wow how Roll Bouncing is actually done.

What’s a New Years Eve party without a quick stop at bad guy Ben Gazzara’s basement from Road House? This is the cousin of the bear that fell on Tinker. Actually, this is from the Cheshire Lodge in St. Louis. You know this hotel from Up In The Air with George Clooney. I know it from the housekeeper asking me if I’d seen “The Bearded Man” that haunts the fourth floor. I wasn’t aware Billy Mays had moved on to poltergeisting so quickly. Classy joint. Very posh. Very haunted by Billy Mays.

“When There’s No More Room Left in Hell, Zombies Will Roller Skate Around the Earth.”

CLICK THROUGH FOR MORE, INCLUDING SECRET CAVES AND SHIT!

I don’t know who this guy is, but I believe it’s common etiquette to make friends with any one else dressed like Don Johnson or Elvis when at a local roller skating facility.

Jesse  IS Woody Harrelson IN No Country for Leisure Suit Men

Hey, I just wear ‘em, I can’t IRON ‘em. That’s what wimin are for!

Throw your keys in the bowl, baby. Because this is an Sex-press Train making no local stops. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!

Leave that “finding One Eyed Willy’s Gold” shit to the experts! Here we are getting the Chester Cobblepot treatment in an unmarked cave at the City Museum. It’s the kind of fun place you can bring the kids to re-enact “The Descent” without having to drive too far into the country.

I refused to move from this strobe-lighted dance pad all night as patrons were heard to say, “Look at that guy go!” and “Wow, he’s still up there!” and “It was funny for a little bit, but hold my drink because I’m going to kick him in the face!” The DJ wasn’t very good, but he did play a Pac-Man remix song, which was at once awesome and too loud for my old, old ears. People are trying to sleep, you know?

What can I say. It’s a wacky picture, intended to be wacky. Eat me.

My wife, fan of continuous strobe lights in da club since as long as I can remember! Look at her go!

Allison next to the “Ultimate Bathe Suite.” I don’t know what an “Ultimate Bathe” entails, but look at the hot momma’s that frequent room 115! If I’d have designed this door, I would have put that peep hole right in the middle of the bride’s forehead. That is why I no longer am allowed to design doors for Ultimate Bathe Suites.

“THIS GUY!”

“DRAGGOOOO!!!!!!!!!” Junkstore’s own personal Rocky workout.

Hey, if you’re going to hump a sumo wrestler, at least pull his hair, right? That’s what we always say in my family.

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A good time was had by all, no one died, and I can’t smile in a picture. I can only make the lips like the Mac and Me creatures, apparently.

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