My dream of 201 Roast Beef Sandwiches…THWARTED!
I eat a lot of fast food. Lacking the foresight to make a documentary about it, I make no money off these culinary adventures, and therefore remain poor. And then I eat more fast food.
The closest place to me is Arby’s, which has a Machiavellian pricing scheme designed to confuse you and strip you of every last beefy cent. Their recent $5.01 combo campaign (AKA, the “oh, THAT’S why no one dines at Arby’s…we’re fuuuuuuckkkking exxxxxxxxpenssssssive!” campaign) has finally come along to supplant their failed “Arby’s gives me a boner” campaign:
I, for one, am all for the $5.01 new deal. Until last week, Arby’s deals were thus:
ME: I want two Roast Beef Sandwiches
CASHIER: That will be $8.
ME: For two sandwiches?
CASHIER: It’s cheaper to get the FIVE for $5 deal
ME: I don’t need five roast beef sandwiches. Can I just get four roast beef sandwiches and substitute a fry for one of the beefs.
CASHIER: Nope.
ME: Fine, give me five roast beef sandwiches for $5, instead of two sandwiches for $8.
CASHIER: Thanks! And here’s a coupon for $1 Roast Beef sandwiches, Limit 200 sandwiches.
ME: [stabs self to death, causing a big scene and spilling my innards as far from the mop bucket as I can, so that everyone will be staying late tonight]
NOTE: This is an actual $%^!@ coupon I got today. Don’t know if it works outside the Springfield area, but you should try it out and let me know what happens. Also, I swear to god i’m buying 200 sandwiches, and if they can’t produce them all i’m going to court.
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fuckin-A. i, too, was recently “suckered” into the same 5 for $5 deal. i threw away whole sandwiches like they were spare napkins. if their goal is to make one feel princely, awash in excess, then it’s a good campaign.
i’ve also noticed McDonald’s charges 99 cents for a double cheeseburger, but when i just wanted a regular ol’ cheeseburger it was $1.20.
i love this country, where you are literally penalized for wanting less. hooray!
Yeah, um…I’d like, let’s see, uh, an order of fries and, oh, just some water. Do you charge for the cup? No? Awesome.
And, oh, right, I forgot. I have a coupon for 200 roast beef sandwiches…I’m kinda in a hurry.
SHIT! I just went to arby’s for the first time in a year last night
Must… visit… Arbys…