I know what you’re wondering when you see me. How did Chris Ward go from this…

Shown: Most Improved Bowler/Bowl Cut

Shown: Comic writing sensation

….to THIS?

Well, it takes work. You don’t just start signing hundreds of copies of the Barack Obama biography comic (for sale here!) overnight to thousands of people. And selling hundreds of comics to thousands of people….well, that’s just another hard-earned secret of mine.

I found this the other day…it’s an outline of my first comic book, Pumpkinhead (created before I’d heard of the Lance Henriksen vehicle Pumpkinhead, which would shatter my fragile ideas about originality and copyright violation):

What’s that? You can’t read it because it was typed on the last bit of my dad’s fax paper I manage to jam into a typewriter in 1991? Who’s “Pumkin” Head? Well Click through for a scathing look at the origin story of “Pumkin” Head, with typos in tact. I used forensics to make most of it out. And squinted.

Pumkin Head Origin: The way it starts is that a man named Jack FreeLance goes to a company Halloween party in his home town of Canaveral Falls.

I once convinced myself I didn’t get a drum set for Christmas because I had misspelled drum set as “Dum Set” on my wish list. I probably used this same logic to explain why “Pumkin Head” would never, ever, ever catch on. And how’s that for foreshadowing? Jack Freelance! Yes, it’s what I always wanted to be in real life: a freelance writer who works at a company.

His company is “CRA”: Chemical Research Agency. That night, a band of unprofessional arsonists decided to blow up the building.

Ok, this is a great start. Jack Freelance works for a company that researches chemicals, studying the various chemical-type things that chemicals do. And these unprofessional arsonists—with their mismatched button-up shirts and filthy language in front of customers—decide to arson the hell out of this chemical research place, which is known for its off-the-hook Halloween parties.

Jack Freelance had no life. His job was the only thing that kept him going.  And his girlfriend, Amy Jefferson. He had no family and he lived in an old apartment.

There are like 18 retarded plot pieces going on here: Jack had no life, except that he had a incomplete sentence of a girlfriend, which didn’t keep him going…only his job kept him going. And that old apartment. Jeeeez, Jack FreeLance…which is it?!!?!

The Arsonist’s set the bomb and ran. When the 10 Story building blew, about 1,200 people were in it. 245 survived unharmed, 430 survived in a minor or major injury, 525 people died.

I actually remember hashing this one out, playing God on my little typewriter and figuring out the exact number of people who would die, survive in a minor (or major) injury, etc…on a little solar powered calculator. It’s like Rain Man is writing this shit. Also…since when do arsonists set bombs? Oh, right. They’re unprofessional.

Amy went into a coma.  Jack’s face was ripped up really bad. After being in the hospital for a week or so,  he got out. When he took off the bandages his face was deformed from the cuts and flesh wounds. The rest of the damage was from the major burns…

“I am everyone, and I am no one…call me…DARKMAN! My face is ripped up REAL BAD!”

Still weak from the incident he looked around for something. And he saw it. He grabbed a scapel and cut out the bottom of a pumpkin in his window and put it on. He sat down and though he was lucky. He life now had a purpose.

I’LL say he’s lucky. He works in a chemical research office, arsonists uncharacteristically bomb your company Halloween party, and there’s a head-sized pumpkin just sitting on the window sill when you wake up in the hospital! He life now had a purpose, indeed. Wait…what?

He wouldn’t let anyone go through what we went through again. He later finds out Amy is in a coma. He goes to an 85 year old friend, Harry. Harry makes him a modified suit. Complete with Fire, Bullet and a Waterproof pumpkin mask. With built in oxygen tank. He encounters many villains and finds the arsonists while the police can’t.

Annnnd is immediately killed. Because he’s a 30-something research assistant with 95% burn coverage on his body, with a Pumpkin Suit full of oxygen made by an 85 year old man. Oh, and he’s killed by not by unprofessional arsonists, but by painful infections as soon as he steps out of the hospital LAMAWVOH (Leaving Against Medical Advice Wearing Vegetable On Head).

For further info, read Pumpkinhead #1-#4 coming soon!

Ok, I guess I will…since I’m the one who wrote it. Was this an outline to myself, or a press release?

For the record, I wrote, drew and completed a four issue mini series which caught the eye of my 6th grade girlfriend Annie, whose older brother John also made comic books. I was signed to Dragon Comics in a living room swearing-in ceremony, and no one brought up that Pumpkinhead was a pat story with a hack plot and shitty artwork. John went on to do amazing stuff (some of which I’ll be showing on the site soon), Annie went on to break up with me and then go into a coma after a Halloween Party bomb scare (there was no bomb, she’s just timid like that), and I went on to be famous, famous, famous! Suck it, Lance Henriksen!

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.